Meaning in the Journey

"The sooner I can accept that being Mommy means that I never go off the clock, the sooner I can find peace in this crazy stage of life."

 

Huff Post

I just turned 35 a few weeks back and you would never know it.  The outside may appear on a really good day 35, the insides feel more like pushing 90.  I literally crawl out of bed each morning and good Lord barely make it to the door. I want to run marathons I do, I just can't do it. The aches and pains gnaw at me oh another day.  I often tear up and say do I have it in me, thank God this big ole' heart I bestow keeps me plowing through.

I couldn't tell you that when I visioned being a Mom there was any of the "tough" stuff in my dreams.  All I visioned were ice cream cones, twirling in the yard and kisses lot of kisses. Never did I vision constant ice cream spills especially on new outfits, falling after a twirl in the yard blood lots of blood and tears or kisses to calm toddler tantrums.  Yet it comes with the title it does. Being older parents these days, packing them in a few short years....life is insane it just is.  Expect nothing less.

One of the hardest physical, mental, spiritual work we will ever do is in the journey of Motherhood.  I Puke and rally is no longer a game, it's reality. A Mother's work is never done and until we grasp that, throw away the time sheet, the scorecards, we will never find peace in this moment.

It's so insane the pace.  I want to take care of me, I want to keep my kid on a perfect schedule, I want to give them experiences, I want to keep my marriage healthy and happy.  I want to keep my house clean and my social calendar full.  So how do I even come close to doing this without losing my mind in the moment?

The only way I can grasp any peace in the present is from what the Lord continues to answer to me day to day.

Motherhood doesn't mean doormat, it means warrior. I've bestowed you with the most strength to carry, deliver and mold for my glory.  That is not an easy task nor will it have a small reward.  The most important job you do in this life is shaping 10 little fingers and 10 little toes.  Don't cave under pressure of the world. Keep looking up. We need strong Moms, I need strong Moms, the warriors of my name. If that means being insignificant to the world and everything to two little people so be it.  If that means having a less then perfect home, if it's lived in and happy so be it.  If it means  finding joy in your husband bathing kids together it's life.... the one I called you to.  Rejoice in it.

One of my dear friends was expecting 6 months after her first and is due to deliver any day.  I received a text from her just the other day. 

I'm physically and mentally exhausted I feel I'm walking into a fire storm soon.

Sweet Mandy wanted to say all the right things,  but friend Mandy couldn't.  I prepped her for the truth.  I armed her with reality, knowledge but also hope. Accept what is about to happen, embrace it.  There is no way you will come out unchanged.  Know who you are today, because tomorrow that girl will be a memory.  That woman will emerge. Along for the ride will be fellow patriots and the greatest friend of all above.  Keep looking up my dear friend.  There is meaning in this journey.