Meaning in the Journey

"The sooner I can accept that being Mommy means that I never go off the clock, the sooner I can find peace in this crazy stage of life."

 

Huff Post

I just turned 35 a few weeks back and you would never know it.  The outside may appear on a really good day 35, the insides feel more like pushing 90.  I literally crawl out of bed each morning and good Lord barely make it to the door. I want to run marathons I do, I just can't do it. The aches and pains gnaw at me oh another day.  I often tear up and say do I have it in me, thank God this big ole' heart I bestow keeps me plowing through.

I couldn't tell you that when I visioned being a Mom there was any of the "tough" stuff in my dreams.  All I visioned were ice cream cones, twirling in the yard and kisses lot of kisses. Never did I vision constant ice cream spills especially on new outfits, falling after a twirl in the yard blood lots of blood and tears or kisses to calm toddler tantrums.  Yet it comes with the title it does. Being older parents these days, packing them in a few short years....life is insane it just is.  Expect nothing less.

One of the hardest physical, mental, spiritual work we will ever do is in the journey of Motherhood.  I Puke and rally is no longer a game, it's reality. A Mother's work is never done and until we grasp that, throw away the time sheet, the scorecards, we will never find peace in this moment.

It's so insane the pace.  I want to take care of me, I want to keep my kid on a perfect schedule, I want to give them experiences, I want to keep my marriage healthy and happy.  I want to keep my house clean and my social calendar full.  So how do I even come close to doing this without losing my mind in the moment?

The only way I can grasp any peace in the present is from what the Lord continues to answer to me day to day.

Motherhood doesn't mean doormat, it means warrior. I've bestowed you with the most strength to carry, deliver and mold for my glory.  That is not an easy task nor will it have a small reward.  The most important job you do in this life is shaping 10 little fingers and 10 little toes.  Don't cave under pressure of the world. Keep looking up. We need strong Moms, I need strong Moms, the warriors of my name. If that means being insignificant to the world and everything to two little people so be it.  If that means having a less then perfect home, if it's lived in and happy so be it.  If it means  finding joy in your husband bathing kids together it's life.... the one I called you to.  Rejoice in it.

One of my dear friends was expecting 6 months after her first and is due to deliver any day.  I received a text from her just the other day. 

I'm physically and mentally exhausted I feel I'm walking into a fire storm soon.

Sweet Mandy wanted to say all the right things,  but friend Mandy couldn't.  I prepped her for the truth.  I armed her with reality, knowledge but also hope. Accept what is about to happen, embrace it.  There is no way you will come out unchanged.  Know who you are today, because tomorrow that girl will be a memory.  That woman will emerge. Along for the ride will be fellow patriots and the greatest friend of all above.  Keep looking up my dear friend.  There is meaning in this journey.

Life In Filter

This is my last post for Sweet Tea Darling.  This week alone I've seen and heard so many Moms struggling.  I wish we all would take a camera and tape our stories to raise awareness to Mom Overload, just so we all could feel comfort. Keep on Warriors...you are priceless!


A Life in Filter.....

So I came back downstairs tonight, straight out of bed. Almost midnight and tears coming down. Even to the point of asking myself what struck me so much about this news. After all we hear of famous stars committing suicide so many times, what is the difference with this. Could it be that on the outside Robin Williams seemed so to the contrary. Joyful and such a beautiful soul. Helping others, lover of the church. Or could it be the news on top of a dear friend who I have seen recently struggling against a pain that is far beyond any our comprehension. Or the person down the street who I spoke with who is so hard on themselves they won't even go to the park to be seen, even though she just had a child and already thinks society is judging her not perfect size 2 body.

Stories like this flood my ears and I'm open to them. I'm that person by the Grace of God who opens my arms like a caring Mother and wants to suck out every ounce of a persons pain and wear it. Just so they don't have to. It was the way I was made. To relate and mostly to empathize. Especially now when I don't have to say I'll pray for you only, I can say lets work through this together I understand.

One year ago, my life and my families lives were turned upside down in a flash when this dreaded pain struck me. Its a day I will never forget. A new Mom of a 4 month old and a 2 year old running around I was trying to keep it all together far away by ourselves. I was standing at the kitchen sink, getting dinner when it hit. A flood of adrenaline went through my body, heart pains, out of body experience that this was surely if I was dying. Although a post partum thyroid issue made me aware, now even though my thyroid is healed....the anxiety has lingered.

  No matter the cause health, situational, grief something was not healing. It was time to get real. I hid it a lot behind my health I think at times. I hid a lot behind cute Facebook pics of my kids and what I was living 9 hours away. Truth is I was lonely, scared to death and I will never forget my few neighbors and friends whom I did let in on my secret. They never gave up on me and they shared their love with me.

It took me 1 solid year because of mere shame and feelings of weakness that I finally sought help to see me through. I feel I'm finally better....mostly because ironically that year was the closest I ever became to God. Yes that is right imagine praising God, when the pain and suffering is so great you have every excuse to deny him. I wouldn't, I haven't and he has sucked me out of the depth of fear and anxiety.

You may see me today appearing to be someone far from the one I describe.  By the Grace of God I'm much better.  Yet I've been there.  Stood where you are. I still have days where I focus on my worries, where I allow myself to get overwhelmed with triggers. Lack of sleep, too much caffeine, taking on too much. Yet now I know I don't have to hide behind it anymore. The Lord is so strong in my weakness and I"m no longer ashamed. 
 

I read a quote that Robin Williams had spoke to Mila Kunis, a soon to be Mom.   “Remember this moment. Remember this because things like this don't happen very often. Remember this time."
I believe that.  The ones you may remember the most, change you completely.

 

Carry on Moms.... Most important job ever, you are doing!

Pottery Barn Bedroom Makeovers......My favs for Fall

                                                                     Stunning......

Pair with a Yellow Wall.......

                                                       Try this with a gray Wall......

      

How bout a gorgous deep burgandy or red........

Girl Power....Overrated!

Oh we are the products.  The products of the generation of do it all.  Girl Power they call it.  They raise us to conquer the world.  Climb the corporate ladder, raise 2 perfect kids, PTO President, Run 2 full marathons a year, perfectly decorated home and manage to do it all in high heels. 

So we do it. We bully our way around.  We take over the workplace, we are the strong ones in the home, the kids fear us! We find time for yoga, facebook, breastfeeding and botox. We've become the bread makers, the handymen, the spiritual leaders. It's us girls, how does that power feel?? Not sure about you but just typing it is Exhausting.

It's no surprise we also are the women breaking down.  Physically, Mentally and Spiritually.  In fact last night I watched and must admit laughed at the truth of a video that was entitled the hot crazy diagram. Ranking women on their hot and crazy scale.  Isn't that funny, yes it may be but so sad we crazy alright!!!

The truth is we can't do it all.  It wasn't designed that way.  I'm all for hobbies, outlets, success and anything else we find but what about balance.  Do we even know what that is.  I did a study of antidepressant use in the United States. 1 in 5 women are on it, 2 1/2 times that of men.  4 percent are girls ages 12-15.  Is this what we want to show are daughters as an example.  Are we setting the bar too high for perfectionism, achievement and success....more then grace, love and honor.

I find this pretty amusing I write this.  Of course I write this as a byproduct.  One that is none short of mowing the yard, cutting down tree limbs, hauling rock, cleaning toilets, all while chasing two toddlers. Oh and how bout a selfie:)  I"m insane the pace I run and guess what I'm paying for it.  In all three areas.  So I write this to relate.  To call ourselves out.  Lets stop being superwomen and let men be Superman. 

So as you all have seen the ice bucket challenge for research, lets not have to pour a bucket of ice to wake us up.  Lets look in the mirror.  Lets look at our spiritual bank account.  Lets look at our hearts. We only have one life to live, lets do it the way it was intended.

We're Back........

Well we are back in the Bluegrass.  Funny to think almost 6 years ago in 2 weeks, I was starting my first blogging experience. Bama Bound Zimmers documented our adventure moving away from home.  Remember that one? 6 years later, 6 long years later I sit here in Villa Hills scratching my head.  Asking myself what the hell just happened?

Its truly a blur.  A big big blur.  So much happened in those 6 short years that I'm not sure the confessional stand at the nearest Cathedral would buy it.  But its true no short amazing we survived and crawled out.  2 babies later, one home loved and sold, cancer battle times 3, ecoli, appendectomy, 30,000 in vet bills, lots of counseling and meds (God loved me so he gave me Lexapro) and by far my favorite the greatest love for the Lord I could have ever imagined.  I documented a lot during those days on my second blog Sweet Tea Darling.  It was my battle journal and if you were brave enough to travel with me. Thank you.

  So I look back and thank him for the trials and the friends.  Oh my sweet southern saviors.  Who taught me what a stay at home mom looked like.  What a deep soul spoke like.  What a gracious friend acted like.  They molded me. So to them they are my angels and my greatest gifts.

So now we have another home and another chapter beginning here in the great state of KY.  With two cranky curly haired cuties  running around. See we bought this home with a bar, actually two inside it.  Almost a desperate cry to either have lots of friends come around again or for pure sanity not sure which.  Only thing I can think of is Mimosas lots of Mimosas:)  Don't judge stay at home Moms work is never done.

Cash is turning 4 next week and is crazy as they get, but started sports this week and I have to admit insanely good.  I think we have an outlet for the aggression.  Presley sweet Princess Presley is learning so much these days.  Talking up a storm and hitting her 2's.  The verdict is out for her, though she is extremely into gloss, purses and iphones.  We do know she will be expensive. Did I mention Daddy kept his same job, praise God for that:)

A lot in our life is lighter these days.  Partially because we mentally challenged ourselves to be no other along with less ER visits.  So in starting our new journey its time for some new words.  We hope to make you laugh, inspire and show a little part of our new joy through our blog. Meltdowns and Momosas, can I get a heck yeah from my Moms out there!  Lets do this:)